This is going to be one of my more personal posts. Because right now I just need to write something. Anything really. I'm tired, beaten, and disappointed in myself. Allright, I guess I'll need to put this in context.
I'm a music student. Okay? Tomorrow we're doing a show. Okay? Good. If anyone of you have done show (I'm certain that half of you have, since I know there's about two readers and know one of them) I'm sure you know roughly how it works. For the other half I couldn't explain it real quick. First you rehearse the material you're performing for several weeks. Then as the date draws closer there's all kinds of things you need to figure out. How the stage is going to look like, what gear to bring, how to set it all up and how to make it sound as good as possible.
That's essentially the easy part. Why? Because you can still quit. But when you're just days away (one day as a matter of fact) then there is no backing out. If you've ever committed a crime (I haven't but I imagine it's the same) you can sort of think of it as the same thing. Weeks of planning and then the date comes and you actually have to do it.
But like I said, when you've reached that point of no return then it's all hard work. Making the PA system work, making sure everyone knows exactly what to do and when (not just the music) and then to rehearse one final time. I just did that last one. Had been a good day up until then. Everything had gone smoothly. Then it all started to go sideways. Stuff stopped working, I forgot parts of songs, my voice wouldn't to what it was supposed to and everything just turns to shit. That's where I am right now. Angry. Tired. In physical pain from hurting my foot. And disappointed. Mainly disappointed. I've done this for years. I should be able to keep it together. Obviously not.
Shit.
