Belief

Again, sorry for the absence of posts, but here it comes. The next one. This time the topic is, as stated above, belief.

It's a funny thing belief. I have such trouble with accepting it myself, although I do wish I did believe. I simply can't. I used to believe in God, when I was 15-16. I was active in the swedish church, and attended meeting every wednesday. Then I had to stop going to these meetings due to the fact that I moved out and studied elsewhere. Slowly but surely my belief in God and higher power started to fade and was replaced with doubt. This doubt was heavy to carry. The with time this doubt was replaced with acceptance of the fact that there was no god. He could not possibly exist. Not because of all the things that are wrong in the world (they were still happening when I did believe), but because... Well, I don't really know why he can't exist. Logic suggests it. No single being could ever have created a universe so beautifully complex as the one we live in. The word "almighty" became absurd to me. There just was no way...

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against religion. In fact I think it's one of the most beautiful things mankind has ever created. It is comparable to a fantastic piece of art, only ever so much more complex since there has been so many people influencing it over the years. People are still affecting it, in ways we can not imagine. Religion in 200 years will not look the same as it does today, just like it doesn't look the same today as it did 200 years ago. And this is considering that religion is one of the most conservative concepts ever. If society did not change, if science would not progress, if we would not become smarter and gain a greater understanding of the universe religion would be the same as it always was. But now religion "keeps with the times" although it does not progress quite as quickly as society, science and mankind does. But what makes religion so incredibly beautiful is that same belief I once had. The concept of just letting go of doubt and believing without question. And of course it does alot of other beautiful things to people. Where religion fails is when combined with mankind and the greed, jealousy and anger we sometimes possess. In general people want more than what they have. And this manifests itself in different ways in different people. Some would never hurt another person to get what they desire where as some would. That's just the way of man. Combine this with the concept of letting go and believing that God makes all the decisions can be quite dangerous as we see in all extremists. Not just islamic! Oh no, christianity has had it's fair share of fanatics over the years as well. That is not something that is confined to muslims. But I do believe that there would still be extremists capable of the same things without religion. If we would take away everything but soup someone would be just as extreme in their view of soup, no matter if it's good or bad.

So where does this lead us? Well, honestly, nowhere. There is really no way to right all these wrongs, and really no need to. Just accept that bad things happened and move on. Don't dwell on past differences and conflicts. Just move on because, trust me, new ones will arrive soon enough. We must just try to stay calm and clear no matter what happens, to rule fairly and trust knowledge, mankind and ourselves as best we can.

So where am I now, personally? Well, I am at a state of curiosity. I want to know the world and how it works. I also try to accept the people around me, be as good a person as I possibly can be. On the matter of dying and what happens next I believe in nothing. When we die, we die. Nothing. No consciousness. Nothing. And what sweet relief it is. Finally, I've accepted nothing as something.